Tagged life path

Detour

So it has been a while, four months now I believe, since my last post. A lot happened in those four months; I stopped working due burn-out and mild depression issues and I stopped pursuing my career as an artist.

This was hard to accept, I kept on comparing myself with others who have jobs, families, hobbies and so on; ‘why can’t I have a day job and at the same time have my own dream business, why this, why that’. It felt like I failed. Well it seems I am not them and although I love painting and creating, making a living from it, doesn’t work for me and I certainly did not enjoy making art a business. So I deleted my Saatchi art shop, updated the pages of my blog and ceased my business, notifying the chamber of commerce.

Now I am recovering, taking a day, a moment at the time. Once I fully accepted myself, my limits and my abilities, everything falls in place and I am being more nice to myself. My sisters are so kind to me after my second period of illness in a relativly short time, first fall out was in 2011-2013,  they support me in my health and tell me to stay true to myself. They just want the best for me, as for my closest friend they too have been kind.

It is not clear yet what I will do or what kind of job fits me. In the following months I will team up with a coach to find my life path again after this detour which was valuable and informative. It was due to my last job at the customer care center where I also trained new colleagues,  that I discovered that I love and enjoy teaching people, and as a bonus it seems I am good at it! So who knows what the future might bring.

I still paint full of joy, whenever my energy level allows it, there is no more “I have to, I must”. Just doing what I love, my hobby and passion: creating.

This is my latest work, finished yesterday: Summerwine. Acrylic on paper, 70x50cm.

HIgh_on_summerwine_1

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Between fear and hope

Last summer I made this very personal painting,  which was born during the Vedic Art course and which I finished in August.

The painting consists pieces of an old painting on paper, roughly 100 by 100 cm, which depicted my dream  of at that moment in 2012 when I joined the first Vedic Art class. I longed for space and love. Loveing and accepting myself that is.

I took this painting, I teared it up in pieces and integrated it, together with sand, stones and dried flowers onto the canvas, this year even bigger than my work back then, 200 by 100cm. I used acrylic and different techniques. In the middle you can see my feet and hands, with my hands looking almost  like a the wings of a butterfly. What is it that they say? Happiness is in your own hands.

Looking at it, I can see my fears on one side and hope on the other, with me balancing in the middle. Sometimes crawling and sometimes flying toward my dream, my real Self.

DSC03788
Me, my fears and hope.

“In transition”

Today I turned a old painting of mine into a new one. It seems like there is a pattern going on.

Me finding old paintings, painted years ago and turning  them into something new. Everytime the result seems a suprise, but then again it was already there, like a flower bud slowly opening and showing her beauty.

Perhaps  this is the reflection of my very own life path, I am in transition.

Transition, acrylic on paper, 50*70cm.

Before:

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After:

Transition
Transition. Acrylic on paper, 60×50 cm.