Nearly six weeks since my new years resolution to quit my job and I am on schedule. I turned my blog into a professional and a pleasure for the eye porfolio including all my projects and poems. Also I updated all my social media and made a Instagram account, settia_art.
After reading all kind of articles about how people quit there job and then have a fantastic and dazzeling life, some even travel the world or building there own thriving business, made me feel like I was doing something wrong. I mean when I made the decision to go a 100% for my artistic career no matter what, it was pretty bold and it gives me a lot of freedom, not to speak of great trust in myself and Life that all will be alright. But those articles sounded al that romantic, that is why I would like to point out my own situation:
- My savingsaccount is as I write under the 500 euro’s.
- I don’t have a partner, which basicly means; no safety-net or sharing livingcosts.
- I don’t have parents, a heritage from a aunt or even family for that matter.
So it is just me, my dreams, my faith in myself, my intuition. Offcourse my two sisters come to my aid when needed; they believe in me, give me mental support, share the costs for grocceries and the utilities, but they have there own lives with their own dreams. Which means I have to work really hard to persue my happiness and even more, to be persistent. Friends find me couragious for choosing this uncertain life, they don’t really understand why I would give up my job and try to have a income with my work as a artist. But then again, they choose to have a save and stable life filled with responsibilities, like childeren, mortgage, holidays.
My greatest, and perhaps only, responsibility in life is to be happy and to do what I was meant to be doing; creating art.
This weekend, even with a severe cold, I painted my first painting this year, Hide and seek made from acrylic, using hands, paletteknife and brush, and colorpencils, 70x50cm on canvas, which filled me with total bliss.
Last summer I made this very personal painting, which was born during the Vedic Art course and which I finished in August.
The painting consists pieces of an old painting on paper, roughly 100 by 100 cm, which depicted my dream of at that moment in 2012 when I joined the first Vedic Art class. I longed for space and love. Loveing and accepting myself that is.
I took this painting, I teared it up in pieces and integrated it, together with sand, stones and dried flowers onto the canvas, this year even bigger than my work back then, 200 by 100cm. I used acrylic and different techniques. In the middle you can see my feet and hands, with my hands looking almost like a the wings of a butterfly. What is it that they say? Happiness is in your own hands.
Looking at it, I can see my fears on one side and hope on the other, with me balancing in the middle. Sometimes crawling and sometimes flying toward my dream, my real Self.
I hope you all had a wonderful new Year’s Eve, surrounded by your loved ones. My sisters and I danced our way into 2016 after watching the fireworkshow on the Erasmusbrug.
Although 2015 was a productive year for me at my day-job, including several promotions within my departement, I took a very bold decision to quit my well-payed job at the end of February and pursue my life as a artist.
The reason for this radical change is the fact that, the last couple of months I was constantly beat and exhausted. I had no energy at all and every thing was felt like too much. As a result I haven’t been that productive as an artist, I even couldn’t see the oppurtunities I did have, all this made me lose contact with my autenthic Self.
After holding several motivationspeeches with myself why I should continue my job and how grateful I should be for having a job, for almost every day in December, it became clear to me that Life already lead me towards my path. I already saw a glimpse of this road from the corner of my eye for almost a year now. Filled with creations, ideas and oppurtunities but I didn’t really listen or dare to look. My fear and anxiety held me back, back from following the path, MY Path in my own time and rhytm.
Finally reality hit me, many sleepless nights have awoken me. There was nowhere else to go, nowhere to hide. It was like my heart made my body and head turn towards my adventures and slightly uncertain road, giving me courage and faith to step towards it, step by step and eventually my mind had no choice but to follow. Looking my fear in the eye made me realize that what I had to lose by not walking on and how much I would gain by stepping on.
I want to spent my time and energy on that what makes me truly happy and to put this positive and creating energy towards that what makes me feel fullfilled as a humanbeing.
After I made my decision and listened to my heart and intuition, it all became clear to me. Now I feel truly in touch with myself, strong and full with creative energy! Today I even created my bedroom into spacecious loft like room. As a matter of fact my desk now stands freely in the room, facing my balkonydoor and windows. How is that for broadening my horizons?! The only thing left to do is to buy some secondhand drawers to tidy the space up and to downsize; selling some furniture what only stands in the way and donate some of my clothes to the salvation army to create even more space.
In Spring I will
- finish my new collection paintings
- launch my new website
- have a ‘Open House’ giving people the oppurtunity to meet me and see and buy my work
Offcourse you will be a part of my new but familiar choosen road. I will keep you posted and Thank you all for following me so far.